. middle .

Saya sedang di melbourne mencari ketenangan di dalam kehidupan sosial Perth saya ..

APPARENTLY ... NOT WORKING ..

saya justru lebih bingung dan lebih dicari banyak orang dan sometimes i feel like this is the end of my sosial life ..

kenapa gwe bisa bilang gituh .. because .. everything seems so much in between .. between .. AGAIN ,.

kenapa sih gwe ngga bisa ngga selalu in the middle.. 

gwe butuh pojokan aja susah banget , makanya gwe pengen banget di pojokan (well, ini namanya kiasan ,, ngga semua orang ngerti , maybe cuman some people yang ngerti dan tau dengan sangat amat .. bagaimana caranya .. dan bagaiman maksudnya .. semua orang ini .. mahmahmahmahhhhhh.....

hadoooohh.. gwe capek dan gwe ngga mau tau apa yang terjadi nanti di antara gwe .. dan di antara smua orang sekeliling gwe jadi tambah buruk ..

hey, if i die , aku ngga mau ninggalin kenangan buruk donk bebeh .. gila apa .. emangnya aku yang kaya di GODFATHER movie apa...

yang kalo meninggal , dendam kesumat dimana2.. ya nggalahyahhh bebhhhhhhh.. ejhehehehehe

im still wondering gimana nasib gwe pas gwe mo balik dr melb ke perth ..

kenapa gwe bisa kaya gini yah bow... TEGA TEGA TEGAAAAAA... hehehehe i like i like .. heheheh

udh ah .. gtg

. WISH OF THE DEVIL .

. mY LIFE .. around me .. people .. .

. i was just thinking some stuff that maybe just some people will understand what we as human being should do in life .

. survive .. yes, surviving this cruel world ..

. No one can survive if they have bad feelings about themselves or even others .. our lives is one big mess and fixing it .. its very hard, even if some of the people who wanted to help us to be ourselves again.. they just probably give up because we dont want them to save us ..

. i will let you know a story about someone or even related to myself..

. This human being need LOVE and lots of it but when they got it, they just blow it away without any good reason . 

. This human being wants to get out , wants to be FREE and wants to get out of this stupid and hopeless world for them ..

. This human being is so sick of everything and they want to get out.. JUST OUT .. WHATEVER AND NEED IT ASAP .. LIKE NOW .. .

. Maybe this thing called LOVE or LIFE is not very important but, our lives is filled with all those stuff and we can't get away with it ..

. its just the way in our world .. this world is just SUCKS!!! TO THE MAX ..

. Finding some hope is very hard and sometimes people did not really understand what we have been through . because they think that we just one of THOSE PEOPLE .. the people who just seeking for attention ..

. We are not like that .. We just wanna be FREE . to express everything, every single hope for me and the rest of our people ..

. This blood represent US .

. This blood represent OUR PEOPLE .

. The one who died because of OUR CRUEL AND HOPELESS WORLD .

. i will too .. maybe .

. GILA DECH .

HAHAHA..

hai guys.. perkenalkan .. gatot sisca hanoman.. hahahahhahah namanya sisca.. dia ini ... adek plus temen gila saya yang tambah gila plus saya jadi stupid doesnt play..

hiks2.

dia ini udh jadi tameng aku ..

kita bbrp hari ini bareng2 terus, seneng sih ada temen yang bisa menggila bareng dan bahkan tambah bisa dibilang kita ini udh siap dimasukin ke RSJ.. hahah

kadang kita ini terlalu sering SAMA jadinya agak2 SEREM tapi gpp..  kita bisa handle everything kok..

hehehee..

sungguh bakal kangen kamu dekkkkk.

. MY LAST .

 

Hai guys...

bbrp minggu ini gwe mengalami hari2 yang bisa dibilang .. buruk tapi seneng juga ,,

gwe tiba2 suka emotional sendiri aja yah.. cemburuan sama bebeh ngga jelas.. mahmahmah padahal setelah gwe pikir2 kayanya ngga perlu juga .. lagian gwe kan ngga tau apa2 aja .

Gwe .. mabok sebelum foto ini dibuat, dan maboknya gwe .. (AGAIN) nangis2 and marah2.. kayanya gwe capek banget tau ga sih.. ga tau kenapa...ga tau kenapa gwe bisa kaya gini.. kayanya gwe perlu terapi ngga jelas...

Kenapa ya gwe jadi kaya gini.. lagiii yah..

gwe masih ada di rumah temen gwe, krn gwe males pulang .. gwe pengen cepet2 buka lembaran baru di tempat baru gwe ...

Gwe bakal kangen sama orang2 disini cuman yang jelas gwe lebih kangen keluarga gwe di Indo aja..

Kangen sungguh ..sungguh kangen sangatttt...

im so random dech .. 

kangen pacarrrrrrrr... mahmahmah.. sungguh kangen ah..

. here we go .. again .

. Sometimes i wish i can kill myself .

. Gila.. not again ya gwe kaya gini .. I dont know why.. ini baru loh ..BARUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! 

. i THINK i have to change.. I HAVE TO!!!.

This is not me .. i want me .. the old me .. the used to be me...

. Sometimes , I wish something bad happen to me but ... nvm ..

. Good - Bad ??? .

. I made another Fatal Mistake ... very much Fatal .. .

. I am sorry .. I better shut my mouth next time or maybe NO MORE NEXT TIME ??!?!? .

. gOODbye .

. si jelek tapi ngangenin .

I miss himmmm munchiesssss..

EHHEHE... kangen dech sama dia. udh sebulan aja kita jalan.. pdhl kayanya baru kmrn2 kenalnya (seeeehhhhhhh gombal.. maklum gwe mah belajar dr dia.. eheheh pisssss)

Duh dia lagi kerja lagi hari ini.. seharian pula .. ga sopannnnn.. hehehehe.. ntar gwe dech interview. wish me LUCKKKK.. Punjab Restaurant.

ehheeh.. hari ini adem banget dech sampe tadi adeknya dia yang namanya krisma aja yang lagi chat ama gwe lari ke kamar kedinginan mampus. heheheheheh. tuh anak kualat sama gwe gara2 bentak2 gwe tadi malem. ga sopan!! gwe pecat dia dari adek gwe. hahahaa

btw, tonight.. saturday nite.. alone again. mah mahahahahahaha.. ga sopan sih nih keadaannya tapi gpp. in 2 months gwe udh nyulik nih anak terus !!! hahahahah beware yah babyyy.. 

gwe tuh bosen tau ga sih, kaya bosennya keterlaluan abis. ga ada abis2nya gwe beteeeeeee... damn it!!!

masa gwe tadi mimpi yah pagi2 .. kalo gwe sms2an sama cowo gwe tapi DI DALAM MIMPI.. GA SOPAN KAN!! pas gwe bangun gwe cek hp gwe.. and ..NIL!! GA ADA SMS KELUAR DAN MASUK KECUALI KE ADEK GWE.. capek dewwwwghhhhhhhhh..

ah sudahlah back to my reality lagiiii..

. THE BROKEN SOUL .

Hari ini gwe ngeliat banyak banget yang bisa gwe ambil jadi pelajaran hidup gwe..

You know.. sometimes.. kalo orang punya kenangan buruk di masa kecil, dia bakal teringang2 sampai dia dewasa nanti..

apalagi kalo dia di-bully pada saat dia masih kecil atau dia sering melihat banyak orang disakiti oleh orang yang paling dekat dengan dia..

ITS HURT!! BAD!! for their mind..

Kadang.. gwe juga sempet berpikir seperti ituh.. you know.. 

Gwe punya seseorang yang gwe kenal deket banget..

Dia waktu di masa kecilnya dia.. 

Dia sering dipukul..diludahin..digebukin sama orang tuanya sendiri.. sampe dia ngga tau musti gimana lagi..

Dia ini korban perceraian orang tuanya.. lalu orang tua barunya membuat dia hidup dalam HELL selama masa kecil dia.. dia salah sedikit.. dipukul.. diseret.. disiram air.. kadang juga dia sering banget berpikir untuk mengakhiri hidupnya dia .. sering sekali..

Dia blame dirinya sendiri atas apa yang terjadi di dalam kehidupannya dia... seperti perceraian orang tuanya... dia salahin kenapa dia harus ada untuk witness ini semua... dia pengen jadi orang lain.. pengen banget..

Dia tau.. one day.. dia bakal mati terhormat atau malah mati terbuang..

Sekarang dia udh dewasa.. gwe salut sama dia. gwe sungguh bangga dia masih mau bertahan hidup untuk masa depan dia..

Dia sekarang jadi jahat di dalamnya..tapi juga sensitif. dia ngga bisa liat orang2 di sekelilingnya berantem tapi kalo dia yang berantem, dia ngga ada kata ampun buat orang2 ituh.

Dia juga orangnya penyakitan alias sering banget sakit. kasian gwe sma dia. but gwe selalu ada di samping dia... every single thing. gwe rela mati demi dia. gwe akan pertaruhkan nyawa gwe buat dia. ...

Gara2 dia.. sekarang gwe juga bertahan hidup... gwe bertahan ngelawan semua yang terjadi dalam hidup gwe. gwe ngga mau gwe kalah dalam pertarungan hidup gwe ... di dunia...

walaupun gwe cuman 1 orang yang berusaha jadi lebih baik di depan mata orang dan di depan mata gwe sendiri..

I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET THERE... GET MY LIFE BACK ON TRACK!!...

*thanks soul.. for giving me the opportunity to give the story to the world*

. Could you be loved .

Im not in the mood of .. this topic!!!

im trying to enjoy my short life..

I love my short life..

I love my family ...

I love my friends..

I love my boyfriend..

I appreciate my short life..

I miss my family...

Bring them back to me God..

. curiosity .

Curiosity attack!!

Sometimes you find it hard to believe in magical stuff like MAGIC.. d'oh!!

But I do believe that MAGIC do exist..

I have the feeling about my move stuff to Melbourne is going to be A HELL!! 

But, in the meantime .. I like to keep it "Happy Go Lucky" AS usual..

I've got few suggestions from some random magical person..

that somehow.. your life is going to CHange Dramatically while your in Melbourne..

then i told him that I AM READY FOR ANYTHING EVEN ITS HURTING ME AND MAKING MY LIFE MORE UPSIDE DOWN.. FACE..

. i am sorry .

I know its hard to accept that!..

Saya tau jawabannya.. 

My heart is feeling bad about this.. I do appreciate everything now ..

I start to think that maybe.. this is TRUE.. u know.. about EVERYTHING ..

Not really in my type but .. i can assure you that my life is going to turn into a very bad way..

I know and I can feel it too..

I miss my life and I miss my enjoyment .. 

My circle has been closed down and I closed everything now ..

I am what i am now..

i am sorry ... guys

. this is not good .

This is not good!!!! NOT GOOD!!!!

I AM SO FUKED!!! THIS IS SUPER DUPER NOT MAJOR LOL ..

I AM SOOOO NOT IN THE GOOD POSITION .. DAMN IT!!!

ok, whatever.. gwe ikutin apa maunya dech..

im just a doll... just a doll..

i follow you.. whatever you want me to do.. in my life..

goodbye world...

. Missing pieces .

. Saya sedang senang tapi saya sedang bingung .

how good is that!?!??!

Kangen keluarga gwe banget neh .. duh!!! lucky banget temen2 gwe yang tinggal sama ortunya disini .. hiks23.. damn it!!

Kangen dimarahin mama.dimarahin bapak.hajar2an sama adek gwe!! heheheh nangis2 ke adek gwe... disini mah gwe kalo sedih sama seneng ditanggung sendiri.. eh bersama sih cuman bersama laptop gwe yang udh jadi kekasih gwe selama bbrp tahun ini .. wahhahaah wierd!!! wauhaauuaahu

Setiap hari adalah hari baru buat gwe walaupun kegiatan gwe berbeda2 ..

such as...

Hari ini gwe ketemu editor gwe .. nyerahin harddrive.makan maybe.pulang.nonton dvd.tidor... boring!!

Besoknya .. gwe ketemu sama dokter . agent . kampus maybe . PuLANG. tidor ...

lebih boring lagi bukan!?!??!

haduh.. gwe pengen cepet2 ngurus master gwe .. kuliah lagi.. sibuk lagi.. stres lagi .. hehhehe kaya orang gila lagi..

ternyata bosen kalo ngga ngapa2in .. padahal dulu waktu masih production .. BOOOOO GWE PENGEN LIBORRRRRRR!!! ternyata libor itu membosankan sekaleeeeeeeeeeeee..

gwe lagi hunting art director nehh!! sama production ...

siapa tauuuuuuu.. hehehehhe.. kayanya gwe ngambil yang producer aja dech. nah loh!?!?!

iyah kan gwe udh jadi producer 3 taon jadinya .. i cant wait to get my ass back to work again.. capek gilaaaaaaaaaa tapi fun banget.. tanggung jawabnya gede.. heehheeh i like it..

hadoooohh.. saya back to sleep lagi dech..  masih ada sejam lagi sebelum gwe musti mandi en ke ct ktemu editor and my best friend ... 

byeeeeeee readers.. (whoever u are .. u know i know u ... )

. IM BACK PEOPLE!!! BEWARE!! .

Keadaan membuat saya jadi begini ..

WTF!!!!!

Emosi sedang menggebu2.. semuanya kacau .. KACAU!!! ANJRET!!!

ya ampun, kok gwe bisa emosinya parah kaya gini ya..

kenapa?!?!?

gwe ngga mau jadi emotional breakdown lagi ..

kmrn gwe ketemu paul (my psikiater) di kampus, omg .. he was like .. "r u alright galih??!?!"

and i was like .. "yeah yeahhh im FINE "

gwe ngga tau musti gimana lagi .. gwe ngga ngerti ..

Gwe capek!!! capek .. gwe ngga bisa lagi .. engga!

yes.. i do give up .. but this time .. I DO GIVE UP .. Im not going to be me .. but im going back to be my OLD me ..  before college .. BEWARE!!

loser? me? sort of yeah..

i am ..

BUT .. I'LL BE BACK AND HAUNT YOU DOWN!!!!!!!!!!

cheers

. Dancing .

Indahnya menari..

Dengan menari .. kita bisa lupain semua masalah kita ..

Apapun yang menjadi masalah dalam hidup kita .. agak sedikit terlupakan ..

Shake it Babyyyyy ..

Saya suka menari .. dancing is one of the most important part of my life since i was a little girl ..

saya suka melihat orang menari .. bagi saya .. mereka menggambarkan sebuah perasaan ..

Pada saat saya melihat orang menari .. apapun tarian mereka .. Im amazed .. every single step yang mereka buat dan mereka jadikan sebuah tarian itu .. DEWA!!! 

Saya bisa melihat apa yang menjadi masalah dalam kehidupan mereka pada saat mereka menari ..

Mereka melepaskan semuanya .. melepaskan penat .. melepaskan sedih .. melepaskan semua masalah ..

Dengan menari, mereka HIDUP!! SOUL MEREKA yang selama ini mereka kurung .. HIDUP KEMBALI ..

dengan itu.. mereka bisa menjalani kehidupan selanjutnya dengan perasaan baru ..

Menari .. buat saya dan teman2 menari dan menggila saya .. itu adalah sebuah pencarian jiwa baru ..

Apapun yang terjadi di dalam kehidupan .. ini .. kita nikmati .. sesakit2nya kita .. se-senang2nya kita ..

NIKMATI ..

my life is very very short and others too ..

I AM VERY MUCH BLESSED BY EVERYTHING THAT HAPPEN IN MY LIFE ..

VERY MUCH BLESSED ..

cheers...

. The Lamest Reason for Asking a Phone Number .

Hey Baby..

Now i know the reason why YOU ask My Number at The Melbourne Airport.. DEKA VELENTINO ..

When i asked him about his number.. AT THE CAFE (coz my reason is because i am going to move to Melbourne so i made new frens and stuff so ive asked him..)

But he just said .. "You have my email already rite.."

and i was like.. "WHO THE HECK.. oh well.. Hey guysssss... your number please peopleeeeee."

and then i was like TOTALLY FORGET ABOUT HIM..

suddenly (out of nowhere)..

in the car.. while we waiting for my plane.. he was like .. 

"HEY I DONT HAVE YOU NUMBER.. JUST IN CASE YOU LOST AT THE AIRPORT LATER SO YOU CAN CALL ME .. "

and i was like .. "what the .. (THAT IS THE LAMEST REASON FOR ASKING A GIRL PHONE NUMBER) " but oh well .. HERE YOU ARE .. MY NUMBER ..

so thats how all of this romance start .. 

after that day (June 30, 2008) .. he started bugging me with all these messages and calls .. and etc etc ..

and then he asked me " DO YOU WANNA BE MY GIRLFRIEND? "

and i was like .. " I DO "

and then .. now .. yes .. as you guys know ive been discussing about this guy in my blog for a while ..

cheers ..

. My Perth Life .

My life starting to get better everyday..

I will tell you a little story about the world around me since i was in Perth... since 2003..

I can write you this because I almost finish my journey in Perth.. Its been a while..

June 2003 ..

Canning College-Waterford Avenue

Gwe masuk bridging course (18 week bridging).. belajar bhs inggris, kenal temen2 baru, kenal guru2 keren2.. ke Rottnest Island and get my ... 1st kiss.. heheheh 

Gwe seneng bisa kenal sama anak2 Canning College.. walaupun sekarang kayanya anak2 udh pada lupa .. well paling yang masih inget sama gwe adalah .. THE FAMOUS NANCY..

February-November 2004 ..

Canning College-Diploma of Commerce

wah gila nih... ini satu2nya dimana gwe kenal sama anak2 Indo gilaaaaaaa... tapi menyenangkan.. ini dimana gwe kenal sama temen2 gwe namanya Bido, Rike, Ato, Karina, Renny dll sbb.. btw, Renny tuh temen pertama gwe di Perth.. hahahah temen Indo pertama di Perth (sekarang dia udh back for good sih... TOO BAD!!!)

gwe ngga suka commerce cuman yah you know.. Family.. bokap dulu nyuruh gwe masuk commerce gituh jadinya gwe FAILED BIG TIME and yes gwe almost di DO dr Aussie.. heheheh akhirnya gwe memutuskan untuk balik Indo for 4 LONG MONTHS... BORINGGG BANGET GILAAAA!!!

February 2005-June 2006

Curtin International College-Diploma of Mass Communication

Ini dimana gwe explore semuaaaaaa media yang ada di Australia... senang banget gwe bisa kenal sama anak2 baru... Stella, Zee, Nozomi, Jabs.. dll sbb..

Gila gwe kangen banget sama guru2nya yang super duper baik baik banget tau ga sih... except one teacher... THE ONLY ONE yang ga pernah senyum dan selalu terlambat..

Dan Satu orang yang perlu gwe basmi dr CIC wktu itu gara2 dia.. gwe jadi tinggal 1 semester.... DAMN HIM!!! orang yang ga pernah tau gimana caranya menghargai orang lain.. mentang2 dia lebih pinter dr gwe.. mentang2 dia lebih rajin dari gwe?!?!?! GEBLEK LOE!! EMANG LOE KIRA SIAPA... 

ini orang bilang ke semua anak2 kalo temen2 deket gwe yang selalu jalan sama gwe adalah temen yang gwe beli... dengan UANG! WTF!! dasar pervert!! orang gila.. geblek bangettttt!!!!!

August 2006-June 2008..

WAHHHHH2... INILAH DIMANA GWE BENER2 MENIKMATI YANG NAMANYA UNIVERSITY LIFE..

KETEMU orang2 gilaaaaaa dan menyenangkan.. 

NABILAAAA.. STELLAAAAA.. DLL SBB..

Nabila and Stella jadinya manggil gwe dengan panggilan "MPOKKKKKKKKKKKKK"..

seneng banget.. semuanya baik2 semua.. GURU2NYA.. KERENNNNNNNNNNNN

MICHAEL.. SAM.. JOOOOOO.. omg... i owe them my uni life...

IM GOING TO MISS THEM SOOOOOO DAMN MUCHHHHH..

akhirnya.. I FINISH ALL MY UNI LIFE AND STUDY..

I WILL MISS ALL THE MOMENT THAT WE AS IN LIKE WE AS A STUDENT AND CLIENT..

gwe belajar buat SHORT MOVIE, MUSIC VIDEO, ADVERTISING, CORPORATE DOCUMENTARY, STUDIO WORKSHOP..

gwe seneng bisa kenal sama GOOD CLIENT.. REAL AUSSIE CLIENT and the most people who helps with my uni life..

-------------------------------------------

. si mocha lover .

KANGENNNNN...

[Love is not finding someone to live with, its finding someone you cant live without]

[You may conquer with the sword, but you are conquered by a kiss]

[If i could reach up and hold a star for every time youve made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand]

[ If i could have just one wish, i would wish to wake up everyday to the sound of your breath on my neck, the warmth of your lips on my cheek, the touch of your fingers on my skin, and the feel of your heart beating with mine...

Knowing that i could never find that feeling with anyone other than you.. ]

Saya senang bisa kenal sama dia.. 

Dia bilang "Mungkin kalo aku ngga ke BLOK M kmrn di Melbourne, mungkin kita ga bakal kaya gini..."

I LIKE IT .. 

love you long time BABYYYYYYY....

. Miss you every single day .

. LOVE LOVE .

hai bloggers..

I miss him..

heheh kangen sangat dech sama dia ...

kalo kata adeknya dia.. "hello.. dia punya nama .. "

terus gwe bilang .. "iyah namanya Deka .. "

Dia itu baik banget dech.orangnya lucu banget.kayanya dia lagi ada masalah gituh sama orang2..

Padahal .. ya udhlah.. ga usahlah dipikirin sayangku cintaku manisku..

Kangennnnn.. mungkin kalo aku ada disana kayanya aku bakal marah2 sama dia abis itu sih aku peluk dia sih ..

Dia itu orangnya gimana yah..

I feel so comfortable kalo sama dia.. I feel so in LOVE kalo sama dia.. Dia .. gituh dech..

I feel somehow .. IN SUPER DUPER LOVE..

honestly.. saya sebenernya sudah capek banget sih .. semoga semuanya berjalan lancar sama dia..

I want someone who i can trust to ..

I want someone who i can be with for a very very long time ..

I wish .. I wish ..

. SAFIRA .

heehhehe...

ini anak.. LUCKY BABYYYY...

cerita awalnyqa adalah...

safira mau nginep di rumah gwe... lalu dia bilang klo dia udh di bus mau ke rumah... deg2annn... takut nyasar... TERNYATAAAAAAA BENERRRRRRR SANGAT BNERRRR...

terus dia tlp... PANIC ATTACK.. nemu orang ... ehhhh orangnya ngomong sama aku... dan aku sama sekali ngga tau dimana dia.... DAMN!!!

ternyata dia itu turunnya JAUHHHHHHH BGT DR RUMAHHHHH.. 

terus... dia panik lagii... jalan jalan jalan jalan...

THATS IT!!! gwe suruh dia naik taksi....

udh manggil taksi.... nahhh pas nunggu taxi... dia didatengin 2 malaikat.... (yang dia lupa namanya)....

malaikatnya baikkkk bgt bgtttt.. dia dianterin  sampe rumah gwe...

nahhhh pas sampe rumah gwe... DIA TLP... KAK RARASSSS KELUAR SEKARANG (UDH KAYA NADA POLISI AJE)..

NAHHH pas gwe keluar... kok mobilnya bukan taxi?!?!?!?!? this is soooo weird... ternyata dia dianterin orang...

GEBLEKKKK KAN SAFIRA LUPA NAMANYA... YES YES....

THATS ABOUT IT.!?!??!?!?!?

cheerss

. xoxo Bachelor of Arts .

saya LULUS!!!!!!

OMG OMG OMG ...

finally after all these years...

INTRODUCING ME AS "BACHELOR OF ARTS MAJORING IN FILM AND TELEVISION AND PUBLIC RELATION"

hehehehe...

speechless...

Thank you.. Thank you...